Snow and Grace

{{{Thoughts from a recent entry in my journal, dated February 10, 2011.}}}

What a lovely morning! There is snow outside and the house is peaceful. Big kids are off to school and Grant is snoring softly across the room, still in his carseat. I have a warm cup of coffee right here and a napkin with snickerdoodles I made last night for Wes. I found my favorite winter music and it's playing now -- Winterscapes by the London Symphony Orchestra. It's a Hallmark CD and I've no idea where I got it, but I've had it for years. I remember listening to it during snow while in Seattle.

In fact, it's seems like that night in January 2001 was a turning point, an eye-opening night for me. I loved having this music to comfort me as I was there alone. Amazing how music has a way of transporting you to another place. Years ago.

But I remember those gold mugs I had and I'm sure I had hot chocolate or something like that that night. Those long blinds that opened to my sweet little patio with the beginnings of a potted herb garden. I grew not much more than thyme then. That burgundy, pink and green love seat. Tapestry. That huge framed print over my tiny mantle with the pretty girls -- it matched that love seat perfectly. Where is that print now? Who knows? Funny how something huge like a framed picture is missing but a tiny CD in a cardboard case is right in its place. It's what has taken me on this rabbit trail of thoughts. I still love the music, though! The first song "Snowbound" is my very favorite. I've been skipping through the CD and yes, #1 is the best song.

Looking out my window this morning is different than looking out onto that little patio ten years ago. Today I see my life. Hope. Love. Creativity. Acceptance. Growth. Experience. Joy. Ten years ago, I was in such a different place. There was definitely joy because of my relationship with Jesus. But other things crowded my thoughts, squeezing the joy into a tiny corner. Doubt. Questions. Homesickness. Lonliness. Desire to be creative. Seeking abundance. Wishing for true acceptance.

Looking back, I see such a changed girl. I was hurting, but didn't even realize I was. I wanted more, but didn't know what I wanted or where I wanted it. Scanning the ten years in between, I can easily identify such grace lovingly covering me by my heavenly Father. There is no doubt in my mind that while I was sorting through all the natural transitions of my twenties, God was holding me tightly in his sweet grip of grace. I continued to seek Him and His direction and ten years later, the descriptions of what I see and feel on a lovely snow day are miles apart from what they once were. Ten years from now -- twenty years from now-- when my little girl is sorting out her position in life, my sincerest prayer is that she would sense the sweet hand of her Father guiding her in his grace. Amazing. His grace is amazing.